Woman, Food and God

"When you believe in yourself more than you believe in food, you will stop using food as if it were your only chance at not falling apart. When the shape of your body no longer matches the shape of your beliefs, the weight disappears. And yes, it really is that simple."

—  Geneen Roth

Inspiration

Today's Dreams Are
Tomorrow's Successes
Don't be afraid of high hopes
or plans that seem to be out of reach.
Life is meant to be experienced,
and every situation allows for
Motivation is a positive starting point,
and action places you on a forward path.
A dream is a blueprint
of a goal not yet achieved;
the only difference between the two
is the effort involved in attaining
what you hope to accomplish.
Let your mind and heart urge you on;
allow the power of your will
to lead you to your destination.
Don't count the steps ahead;
just add up the total
of steps already covered,
and multiply it by
faith, confidence, and endurance.
Always remember that
for those who persist,
today's dreams are transformed
into tomorrow's successes.
~ Kelly D. Caron ~

Yes!

"You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage—pleasantly, smilingly, nonapologetically—to say no to other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger yes burning inside." Stephen Covey

Your Future, Your Choice

FROM JILLIAN

Never forget this: The only thing standing between the old you and the new you is a choice. Once you make that choice — and start being true to yourself — it has a ripple effect on your entire future. There are so many people out there who are giving up, accepting what they believe to be their fate, and literally lying down to die. Don't be that person! We only have one life on this earth, so it's time to take control and live the life you were meant to live! Each step you take, whether it's dumping the processed junk in your kitchen to taking the time to honor yourself, is a positive change toward a healthy future. Keep it up and you just might inspire the future of those around you!

Just do it

One vision. One goal. Get to it and fulfill the mission.

“The Truth”

“I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is:

I believe in my power
to transform indifference into love.
I believe I have an amazing gift
to keep hope alive in the face of despair.
I believe I have the remarkable skill
of deleting bitterness from my life.
I believe in my budding potential
to live with a nonviolent heart.
I believe in my passion to speak the truth
even when it isn’t popular.
I believe I have the strength of will
to be peace in a world of violence.
I believe in my miraculous capacity
for unconditional love.

I will believe the truth about myself
no matter how beautiful it is.”
~Macrina Wiederkehr
from “Seven Sacred Pauses, Living Mindfully Through the Hours of the Day”

Inspiring & timely words

You are on the eve of complete victory. You can't go wrong. The world is behind you. Josephine Baker

Perfect House

"You've been provided with a perfect body to house your soul for a few brief moments in eternity. So regardless of its size, shape, color, or any imagined infirmities, you can honor the temple that houses you by eating healthfully, exercising, listening to your body's needs, and treating it with dignity and love." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

Good day

Hello there bloggies! Hope everyone's well. Will keep it short today cause you know I'm all sore and everything from working out ;) and taking care of myself :)so won't be too long. All's still going well, I had a pleasant and active day which started with my weigh in ( down 1.6 lbs, of water probably but I still love it) followed by my morning workout. food was very much on point all day and I was less sore than yesterday. I even have a little pep in my step, fueled by joy and the possibility of what is to come...Now if I could only discipline myself enough to go to bed on time, things would be perfect! K.

That Liar!

Not sure what just happened but a minute ago I wrote this long day 2 update and now I can't find it. Odd. the gist of what I was saying in it is as follows:

1. I survived day one of detox and conditioning for the road ahead, despite hunger pangs and a spliting headache. that told me I have to plan my meals better, the goal being to nourish myself well, not deprive my body. So I packed a fuller, yet very healthy lunch and snacks for today.

2. I still did not manage to sleep by 10. I was in bed by then but was engrossed in a mystery movie that only ended at 11:15, so that is when I fell asleep. Got to get a better handle on that sleeping time.

3. Woke up relatively on time, after 8+ hours of sleep, and faced the scale. I weigh everyday because it helps me understand my body better. It's made me recognize then I ovulate (sorry male readers), when I've had too much sodium, when I am retaining water cause of white rice ingestion, etc. So I weighed again today hoping to see a drop in weight due to water retention, etc. And much to my suprise, that liar of a scale showed me a 6.2 lbs increase in weight! Can believe it? so clearly I wasn't 299.4 lbs yesterday, the darn thing tricked me-either that-or the universe was trying to help a sister out by not letting her see that she was over 300 lbs on day one! Either way I am still way beyond the 320 lbs I thought I'd see yesterday, and it is fine. Really.

4. got my workout in. I ran into my former trainer and other familiar faces at the gym. No biggie. Got the job done at a slightly faster pace than yesterday at that, and then bounced out of there!

5. Having a splendid day so far, though a bit sore from 2 days of exercising a 300+ body, but I like it. I am taking steps in the right direction, and I will not stop.

Kave a wonderful day everyone.
K.

Day 1-Detox and conditioning

So here's the tale of my first day back on track: I went to bed kinda late last night(11:15 instead of my goal of 10:00 pm)buthad my gym clothes all laid out so was ready for the gym shortly after my alarm rang. It felt so good and familiar, putting my workout clothes on after weighing myself. This was my morning routine for over 2 years you know? so felt like deja vu, deja done all over again-Got a little surprise at weigh in: You know from my previous post that I was totally expecting to see something close to 320 lbs, but I weighed in at 299.4!!! Just shy of 300 lbs! YAY, lol. 300+ could have done my head in...Back in april, I weighed in at 300.74 lbs, and did not hold back in food consumption since then so totally thought I had put on even more weight, but it seems I maitained, YAY again. Means less damage to undo.
Off to the gym I went on that high note. There were only about 4-5 people in there, unfamiliar faces. I was immediately at ease. Hoped on my tready and walked comfortably for 20 minutes, at a slow/regular pace of 2.5 mph. Right now my goal is just to get back into the habit of daily exercise, not trying to meet a particular pace, burn a number of calories or any of that sort of thing. It'll be 20 mins a day, however I can handle, for the rest of this week.
As I was working out, 2 other workout freaks from my former incarnation walked in and greeted me warmly, they were thrilled to see me back, and I was candid about having to start all over again. They were supportive, non judgemental, and one of them said the best thing: You know how to do this! And I sure do. It is amazing how just having decided to take back the reign of my life and health positively affects my whole outlook and attitude already. I feel so wonderful. I wish I could bottle up this feeling for use on those hard days that are sure to come! But I also know how to handle those!.
K.

Phewwwww

Just went thru a mini victory: beating a serious craving for a very calorific exotic meal.I realize that I missed this feeling of being in control and saying a gentle no to myself, for the benefit of my long term goal. I know it takes one small no, one small step at a time, overtime...
Now on to tackling this bit of fear & shame I carry about having let myself gain back sooo much weight and having to walk back into the gym I was once a daily fixture at...my former fellow regulars will discover just what I have been up to all this time...there'll be stares & whispers maybe, then again maybe not, after all everyone has their own sh*t to deal with. It's all in my mind. I need to stay focused on myself and what I am trying to accomplish and not worry about others. Just do it. Period.
K.

I am finally beginning to sense it again...

I've said it times & times again on this blog the past (almost) 2 years have been THE utmost trying in my life. I went from being an in control, going places, beautiful 31 years old to facing my worst fear(the sudden passing of my beloved mother) and subsequently spiraling out of control, finding comfort in food and eating everything under the sun, walking around stunned, raw, grief stricken, with no center, my only purpose being to fulfill my mum's obligations and doing things I felt would do her proud...things i hoped God would approve of and would in turn honor and reward my mum. I figured nowhere on the list of what or who mattered. My relationships were dicy, measured by how much of a support was given to me during my grief, etc. I did some great great things under pressure but in the end i found myself in an utter mess. I've gained at least 100 lbs, have tested most personal and professional relationships, felt isolated and miserable and in need of drastic change. I so desperately knew that I needed to change in major ways, but I just didn't care enough to take any step towards this change. I had checked out of my life, given up and couln't muster any sense of hope, courage, or care for myself. It's been desperation galore, wondering how, when and If i'd ever get it together. If i'd ever feel in control and on purpose. I have so many gifts, yet I was choosing to just drown them all in fat and pain...Then this week, I began sensing things again, I felt that peaceful, inner trust in life, God, myself. I stopped being afraid, I began coming out of the stupor I've been in. I began thinking, yes I have lots of work ahead of me, but I can totally do it. One day at a time. I can, and I will begin caring for me. I will choose not to be afraid and reclaim my life, one step at a time. So for the first time in ages, I went to the hairdresser, got my hair done, I went grocery shopping for the first time in close to 2 years...I had been eating out all the time i've been in the US. I bought a scale(DAUNTING). I know I was 290 lbs some time back in April. Let's just say I've not held back in the 6 months since. So I wouldn't be surprised if I weighed 320lbs or something. I will weigh on Monday and just face the truth. I'll report back on here, but as small as these steps are, I think they r great beginnings. I will plan my food for the week tomorrow, will have it ready and will embark on my journey back to me. I know it'll be great!
K.

I am an emotional eater

And it's been the most emotional 22 months of my life. I am stuck in this emotional stupor I found myself since mum collapsed and died.
I am struggling to come out and find a new normal. It seems like something in me has just gone unconscious and won't fully awaken to my new reality and to the fact that I am eating myself to misery. Where and how do I begin healing? How do I reconnect with myself? How do I put myself first and care for me? How do I get to the decision to commit to myself and to weight loss? I am struggling

I am losing my mind

Consumed with thoughts of my weight and how to begin tackling it, yet again! I just can't seem to take that decision and make the commitment.

20 months

It's been 20 months today since my mum passed. No wonder I feel sad and sick today. I miss having a mother. I miss having my best friend. These 20 months have been quite the whirlwind for me but I am bouncing back and emerging from it all. I hope you are having a blast up in heaven mummy! I miss you terribly. Love you forever

The good & the reality

The good: I have started taking active steps towards healing. I am embracing life again. Right now, I am watching the movie Salt at the theater after diner at my favorite Thai restaurant.

The reality: I am seated in all sorts of distorted ways cause I DO NOT FIT in my seat. It is what it is & That is all for tonight. Back to my movie. Angelina Jolie is kicking ass in it! Love it!

Women Food and God

I caught Geneen Roth's interview on Oprah Radio and her conversation with Oprah spoke to me to the point where I immediately bouught the book, which seems to have launched a mini revolution, lol. I missed last week's rerun of her visit to the Oprah TV show, but am looking forward to diving into the book and hopefully reaching my breakthrough. One of my favorite coaches Cheryl richardson posted the below on her webiste today:

Ending the War: Food as a doorway to your Self

I’ve just finished moderating a 6-week web retreat with Geneen Roth, author of Women Food and God. I accepted Geneen’s invitation because I loved her book, respect her as a teacher, and wanted to learn more about food as a doorway to a deeper relationship with myself. I’m so glad I did. The course was eye opening, mind shifting, and provocative in all the right ways. Here are just a few of the lessons I learned from the experience. I hope they speak to you.

What my mind and my mouth tell me to eat is rarely what my body wants.
What my mind tells me to do in relationship to exercise is rarely how my body wants to move.
My head and heart often make my food and exercise choices, not my body.
How I eat is how I live. If I’m rushed, overwhelmed, or irritated, for instance, I eat on the run, shovel food in my mouth to get meals over with, or make food choices designed to numb my frazzled nerves. These behaviors do not support weight loss or a vibrant and healthy body.
Deprivation, restrictions, and rigid rules will always lead right back to poor food choices, rebellious overeating, and a “what the hell” attitude. It’s requires a paradigm shift to get that we change with love, not with demands.
Diets teach us to rely on something outside of ourselves – a program, a set of guidelines, or the numbers on a scale. This approach is the opposite of what we need to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It all starts on the inside, by listening to your body and your highest Self.
Ending the war with food is about beginning a relationship with myself based on trust. Staying awake and listening to my body so I eat when I’m hungry, eat what my body wants, and stop when I’m full, is the path to creating a more loving and trusting relationship with myself.
When we learn to trust ourselves with food, an even bigger world opens up to us.
If you’re interested in calling a truce when it comes to your war with food and weight loss, I suggest you sit with each of the seven lessons above. Then, if you’d like to go deeper, you might want to get the archive package of Geneen’s course (you can find it here). Please know that her program is not a quick fix. As Geneen said during the last session: “This path isn’t about losing weight quickly, it’s about connecting with who you really are – the part of you that doesn’t weigh a pound.” Love that…

Take Action Challenge
This week, contemplate this piece of wisdom from Geneen:

“How you eat is how you live.”

How is your relationship with food a mirror for your life?

I found this week’s video on a Twitter post from Tony Robbins. It’s adorable and the message is important ☺. You can find it here.

Still I rise

Uhm yea...it's been a month since I last posted. Quite the challenging month actually...a little bit of hopes and dreams crushed, little bit of humiliation, rejection, having to pack my life up and return to the US with less than a week's notice, sadness, fear...but I made it through that time and I am here. I am off track but I am here. Looking for a way to find my focus again and get back on the track of taking care of me. I am making my way there and will be sharing my journey with you guys right here.
Thanks for your continued support.
K.

All's well!

I am doing well, mostly on track...I had a birthday last week, which meant pieces of cake that I am now working off, but my mind is still right, though VERY BUSY WITH WORK AND STUFF, and I am still on track! Hope everyone's great! I will be back to my daily postings tomorrow! K.

Well it is my birthday! It's my birthdaaaaaayyyy!!!!!

April 22nd! i love this day. I honestly think it is just about the best looking and sounding day anyone could come up with..I honestly do. Wonder if everybody feels the same about their birthdays? lol. Anywho, I woke up well today, in very good spirits, ready to bask in my own day. I thank God for seeing me through to this day. I thank Him for journeying with me and blessing me so abundantly. I surrender the past and all that is to come to HIm. He knows my heart's desires and fears, I trust His plan will favor me.
On this day I came to be, my thoughts are never far from the woman who made it all possible: my mum. I miss her so much today. It's just not the same without her. I realize 33 years ago this was the happiest day of her life.
This is indeed the day that inextricaly brought us together, and she always rushed to wish me a happy one before everyone else. I thank God for all of her.
I have a full day ahead of me, and I've decided to relax about my diet a bit today in celebration of me. I won't go crazy or anything, but will let loose a bit, hoping the scale will be understanding? yes? ;-(. Lol. Then it is right back on track tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!
K.

I miss my mum

It is midnight where I am. I was just on the phone with my 'potential' boyfriend and I broke down while talking about my upcoming birthday, this Thursday April 22nd...the mere thought of yet another birthday without my mum did me in. This mother loss thing is HARD, tears can start rolling at a moment's notice, with one fleeting thought or memory...I miss my mum tonite, and I am sad she won't be here to celebrate my 33rd birthday.
K.

Hectic!!!

It's been a hectic couple of days. Between work, Mum's project and what now seems like a burgeoning relationship, I've helas, neglected to update ya'll on my progress, lol. Thursday, Friday and Saturday of this week have simply been extremely busy. That just about sums it up. I managed to mostly stay on track though.I ate well but skipped a lot of meals...I just didn't have the time or the appetite for food, which is mind boggling to me as I am not much of a light eater, but I suppose it's ok. At least I didn't resort to food to cope with the stress I was dealing with. My workouts did suffer from my busy schedule...I didn't workout in 3 days. I must organize my time, better, so I can give time to my priorities. If it means going to bed at a set time, so I can be up at a set time to work out, then that's what I have to do. I will adjust my goals for this week accordingly when I review my list later today. In the meantime, I am off to a social event I can't quite skip. Back later!
K.

Update on the guy

I ended up letting him come over to meet in person for the first time yesterday. It went well. Really well. He came, we both saw each other and we both conquered...I conquered my fears. He still liked me very much. Weight is not an issue for him. WOW is about all I can say right. Thanks for encouraging me to take this chance guys.
K.

Good morning to my health

I've been thinking that I need to shift my schedule around to better fit my workouts in. Look at my day, I am only now wrapping up my it at almost 11pm and I am exhausted! Had to squeeze my workout in around 8pm... I need to figure out how to get back to my old time love...morning workouts! They were truly greatly for me, allowed me to better plan my days, helped me stay on track and eat healthy all day. Not to mention I was full of energy, relaxed, happy, in control! Working out in the evening is ok, but it's subject to too many temptations...like Oh I've had a rough day why don't I skip my workout? Or Oh well, got caught in a long meeting, guess I won't make it to the gym today. I want to lessen the chance of coming up with such lame excuses but getting my workout out of the way as soon as I wake. That is my priority, so it should be dealt with first right?
I'll see how I can slowly move towards that cause I do not want to overwhelm myself with too many changes at once. Gotta pace myself and ease back into it. One change at a time...
I am going to turn in, signing off with a reminder of why early morning exercise is sooo good! K.

Benefits of working out in the morning

. Morning Exercisers Stick With It

Studies have shown that people who exercise in the morning, or being a morning exercise routine, are more likely to still be exercising one year later, when compared to those who exercise at other times of the day.

2. Morning Exercisers Have More Energy

Although you may have to drag yourself out of bed in the morning, the energy you create by exercising in the morning will sustain you through the day. You will have more energy to go to work, take care of the kids, or do whatever it is you do all day.

You also have more energy to exercise in the morning, than after a long day of work or childcare.

3. Morning Exercisers Sleep Better

Exercising in the morning will help you sleep better at night. By getting up earlier, you will go to sleep earlier, hopefully finding your natural sleep cycle. Working out in the evening hours can create an adrenalin rush that may be hard to come down from and get some sleep.

4. Morning Exercisers Eat Better

A psychological and nutritional benefit that comes with morning exercise is a day of eating better. When wake up early to exercise, and spend an hour or more actually exercising before doing anything else, you willapproach eating with a different mentality than if you exercise in the evening.

It is easier to avoid temptation and talk yourself out of eating unhealthily when you spend your waking hours sweating away the pounds. The fact that you got up and did something healthy andpositive for you body will keep you from indulging or making the wrong food choices.

5. Morning Exercisers Are in a Better Mood

Another added benefit of a morning work out is enjoying the positive mood you have created. You will be proud of yourself for getting up an exercising. You will feel clear and calm by exercising in the morning.

Stressed out today!

I've had a long and stress-filled day. Right now, I just want to rest my mind up & fall asleep. I feel so overwhelmed by all the responsibilities that befall me since my mum's passing. I am finishing up a major project of hers, one that I love but that is way too demanding in terms of coordination, time, energy, and patience. I have been giving it just that for the past 6 months, which means that I spend a lot of time away from my own work and that makes me super nervous. I have not been the best employee since my mum passed cause I am just spread into too many directions, left on my own to manage LOTS. I worry about the possible consequences on my career. I pray God understands and protects me from any potential downfall. I hope to be done in a month or 2 MAX so I can get back to my work and life, fast.
I must say that I love this project she left me to finish, it is a wonderful gift I'll talk about more in depth in a future post. I simply wish I didn't have the constraint of having to report to work, that way I could devote all my time to it.
Anyway as far as my day went, said project took me all day, which I hadn't planned. So I was caught without lunch-but I adjusted to the circumstances and didn't give in to the temptation of grabbing a sandwich or any other type of fast food though I considered it for a hot minute. Then I reminded myself that this moment is precisely when you need to deny yourself and chose the healthy option. So I went looking for and found a place that serves grilled steak and salads, which is what I ended up having. I am glad I stayed on track and put my goal first in that moment. I had to however give myself a rest day from exercise because it would have been complicated to fit in...thought in hindsight I see where I could have worked it in...At the time though,I think I did the best I could, simply deciding that too many unplanned activities had surfaced, and that I could simply give myself a rest day instead of beating myself up over not being able to workout...I live and learn, things won't always be perfect on this journey, but I can always do the best I can with the circumstances I am dealt with.
K.

Sore, but good day

Woke up very sore today...had the hardest time getting out of bed and getting my day going. Once I did, it ended up being a nice one...got a good walk in, 30 mins, burned 322 cals on that very track where people were staring at me last week! Yep I went back for more, only this time I wore a much longer and loser shirt so my shape was not outlined for all to see...am willing to make whatever adjustments are necessary but one thing's remaining a constant: I am going to keep at it right there on the walking trail. Spoke to the guy I mentioned on my previous post and opened up about my fear in a very light way...he took it fine, though I am not sure he realized the extent of the weight issue...oh wells I am not going to rack my brains over this...I will keep speaking to him and will eventually see him when I feel comfortable enough i.e, when I feel like I've prepared him enough, lol! For now I enjoy the fact that he is good company, good listener, very uplifting kind of guy. Works for me, lol. Until tomorrow, I am really really tired today.
K.

A peek at my doubting, fear filled reality

2 posts in one day! I must be inspired!
I am actually faced with a dilemma that sadly reflects my current reality. A friend of mine introduced me to this great looking, friendly guy about 2 months ago. We've been e-mailing and talking to each other and he sounds like a nice, cool guy. He's been calling repeatedly for 3 days cause he wants us to physically meet...logical next step, after all we currently live in the same city, 15 mins away from each other and I am 32, very single, very much looking forward to meeting a nice guy, and this guy sounds like a good one. So why do I make him call for 3 days without actually meeting him? Well for the same reason I did this with another guy, another very promising bachelor, at the beginning of this year. Because, I feel like I do not stand a snow ball's chance in hell of these guys taking a look at me and still wanting to date me. I believe ! am just too morbidly obese at this point in time to even think these type of guys will want me, let alone dare to actually go meet them like there is a chance, pffff. What would be the point except to be faced with confirmation that I am unattractive and be rejected? It's not like these guys can fall for me with the way I look? It is not going to happen and it is a sad state of affairs, because I do want companionship and I know I am a great looking girl underneath these layers of fat and I have so much to offer... but I've convinced myself that no one can possibly want all 300 lb. of me right now and that very belief is stopping me from stepping out and giving anyone the benefit of the doubt. I've already defeated myself in my own mind and I can't bring myself to get past this barrier. I fully realize that I might be missing out on opportunities of a lifetime, and that I am letting opportunities and bits of my life slip by, but I just can't muster up the strength and courage to take such a bold chance. So now my question is, do I honor how I feel and truthfully tell him what I am grappling with? Do I open up and trust him with this intimate detail about my life or do I start ignoring his calls until he believes I've disappeared off the face of the earth?
K.

Staying encouraged

"The miracle isn't that I finished. The miracle is that I had the courage to start." -John Bingham

I love this quote, as do many people and I believe it's key operative word is COURAGE. Courage is what beginning a weight loss, or any other healing journey, is about for me. The key challenge is to be and stay encouraged at the beginning. Case in point: at present I am faced with the daunting goal of losing 125 lb., which I know first hand will require complete dedication on my part for at least a year and a half so... lots of focus, sacrifice, discipline, consistency and belief are in store for me. How does one stay encouraged when catching a single glimpse of yourself provides you with visual confirmation of just how far gone you are and just how much work lies ahead? How do you stay mentally strong, emotionally steady, spiritually sound over a long enough period of time to start making a dent into that huge a goal? That's been the true challenge for me, especially at the onset of my weight loss journeys. However, life is so well ordained that this time around, I can benefit from my recent experience of losing my mother, as well as previous successful weight loss journey which give me valuable insight into what is required. Because I've been down and somehow managed to talk and act myself out of despair; because I've been able to come out of that and somewhat recover, I know that one has to be able to pace herself and solely focus on one day and one moment at a time. The goal is to wake up everyday and decide to keep healing for that day and then pose one small healing action after the other, take one good decision after the other, 'til one reaches a critical mass of time after which other mundane and external things can take over as motivator, like better physical shape, fitting into better looking clothes, stamina and just feeling better about yourself, your life and the space you occupy in this world. I am glad I have been here before, and gone through various degrees of pain and recovery because I now know without the shadow of a doubt that I can feel bad and recover and that it starts with a decision to keep encouraging myself, one moment, one hour, one day at a time.
K.

What I tell myself is so important!

Weight loss is a lot about just talking yourself into and out of things you do or do not want to do.

From a A perfect vision of myself blog.

I read this sentence yesterday on one of the wonderful weight loss blogs out there, and it rang so very true to me. Having been through this journey before, I know for a fact that weight loss is a lot about negotiating, prodding, encouraging, convincing yourself to make daily choices that support and lead to your desired result. It's about changing your internal dialogue, to repeatedly tell yourself that you are indeed worth the better, healthier choice. That you can in fact take that walk even tough you've had a rough day, that you can resist temptations that come your way, that you deserve every bit of effort and that will indeed be successful in the end. It is no small task as it requires a virtual rewiring of mental patterns and serious change of habits. But it is such a worthy one, because over time, you start believing in your new internal discourse and in yourself. You become more reliable and faithful to yourself. You grow stronger, you have a better hold of yourself and you become your own best friend, ready and able to face anything that comes your way. I should know, I was there 18 months ago and I can't wait to get back!
K.